a phase of comparison...

I was at the funeral of my classmate's dad yesterday. The mass was held at around noon as he was a retired military man and there was a gun firing ceremony held before he was lowered to his final resting place and the flag was then given to the wife. I didn't understand the whole thing but that's usually what they do but it wasn't as grand as I've seen it done in others. Maybe because there was too much distraction.

I didn't actually plan to attend the funeral as I've formulated a few excuses in my head but when I went to the wake the day before, I didn't see many people as I have seen when Nanay passed away. When I left the wake, my classmate told me that he expects me at the funeral and all my excuses seemed not good enough reason to miss it. I felt bad, I knew he wanted us, not just me to be around and I understand that for someone who lost a loved one. I knew he felt alone.

Of the 5 siblings, only 2 of them were there since the other 3 were abroad and they just left when their dad passed away. The sister who was around arrived from Mindanao so my classmate was basically left to arrange everything with her elderly mom. I even became part of an impromptu choir.`The funeral wasn't all that prepared as the food wasn't enough for everyone - not that that is important but to be under the sun at noon can really wear you out. And the priest, sorry that I have to mention this, he referred to the dead as "it" the whole time he was delivering his homily and I think his stories about him was phony. And at the end of his homily he said: "I'll see you later..." (LOL!) I'm sure I wasn't the only one who thought it was funny but the others were better at hiding their amusement. It wasn't a comforting thing to say you know. Well, what I want to point out is that to be left alone when something like this happens is really difficult.

I was fortunate, no, in fact, very blessed that I was surrounded by family and friends when Nanay passed away. My father, brothers and sisters, nephews, nieces, aunts, uncles, cousins, priest-friends and more friends were there at the hospital. It was such a great comfort for us that we have each other in such a tear-jerking moment. It's in times like these that we really treasure, we feel grateful that we have invested in relationships, that my mother did.

I remember, there were several of us who went to get a good casket for Nanay at a funeral home that day and afterwards we headed to my cousin's place for lunch where we planned for the funeral. In the evening, my friends were there to prepare the place where Nanay will be positioned during the wake and they even brought with them stuff to make the place look beautiful and elegant. Fr. Neil came up with a list of priests who were scheduled to say mass for her everyday, a weeklong prayer for the wake was done by Fr. Andy. Food was abundant as her friends and relatives brought them. People came in flocks to pay their respects that we even have to close our street for a night to accommodate those who gathered.

I know my classmate and probably his dad have plenty of friends also but what I am saying is that as friends, our presence speaks a lot to another especially in dire needs. Nanay won a lot of friends to her side until her death. Even now, whenever I see them, they still express their concern for us and I thank God for such richness that my mother left us. Of course, I am not also discounting the fact that she comes from a big family but they are far less in number than the friends she has collected through the years. And they've been there for her up to her last breath.

Now, I have seen the difference. I have seen the importance of how we express or make our presence felt in difficult times. And I realized that I take my treasures for granted, aware that they will just be around when I need them. You know, sometimes we don't appreciate what we have until we experience a phase to compare it with. I am not getting younger and we know that we're old when we go to funerals more than we attend weddings. I just hope that I will spend the rest of my life expressing more of the gratitude and love for friends. And I hope I wont feel mushy about it when I do (hehehe!).

So, I hope my friends read this and will know that I am really immensely grateful for their presence in my life. Ok, I'll do better than this next time.

I often wonder who will be around when it's time for me to go... I am not afraid of dying but I am really afraid to be by myself when it happens...