Saturday, March 21, 2009

10 things people don't know about me...


Not that you'll be interested to know but people think they know a lot about me but there are more things I keep from others that I don't easily disclose. And this is my blog, that gives me the privilege to write whatever... Here's a list of some of the things that others don't really know about me nor for some time I may not have known about myself...

1. I hate wearing make-up. I wear make-up almost every day especially when I leave the house to go somewhere but only for the reason that I have vitiligo (depigmentation of the skin). Some portion of my face is not evenly toned with my real skin color so I have to even it out with make-up so that people don't get distracted when I talk to them. But once you get to know me better and hardly notice the discoloration in my hands, my feet and other parts of my body and probably have made me feel like you have seen more of what's within me than what is without, then you will probably see me without make-up on in some occasions. My vitiligo has spread wide enough to majority of my face, there's just a small part that is not white so I look forward to the day when I don't have to wear make-up at all!

2. I am easily intimidated. Probably some of my closest friends will disagree but I do get intimidated easily but I don't show it because the more I entertain the feeling, the more I get intimidated and that happens often. Others are actually more intimidated by me as they say I come on too strong on them. Some would even tell me that I have enough confidence to talk to big people or to anybody but I have actually learned to express myself with confidence as it is the only cure for vitiligo. I have had my share of insecurity, enough to know that it wont go away unless I can embrace the fact that I am what I am and I have to live with it. We're all sons and daughters of God, sounds cliche, but we are and in His eyes, nobody is better than the other - He just loves us all in the same way. Keep that in mind all the time and you'll be fine. You'll get through with all the intimidation that affects you.

3. I like to organize other things and plan but not organize my stuff nor plan my life. I believe I have a gift for planning and have eyes for details. This trait probably comes from my father because he is a planner and very good at it but just the same he doesn't know how to organize his stuff well especially his expenses nor is he good at planning what he wants to do. I am like that, I can't organize my own stuff nor my own plans for myself. I like to be surprised with whatever comes in life and spontaneity can be fun. I don't want to get disappointed when things doesn't go as planned especially when it's about living life and I have that in me when I'm doing an event - when it's beyond my control - I just easily let go. I can find my stuff easily when my table is scattered and I think fast when there's a bit of chaos around me.

4. I create designs when I don't see too much symmetry in my own space. When things are balanced there seemed to be enough perfection in it that doesn't leave room for something else. I don't also go for designs with evenness so what catches my eye are the irregularities of what I see. The uniqueness of a thing lies in its own imperfections and that makes it a beautiful creation. Curves has more beauty than straight lines, roughness has more depth and reliability than smoothness. Maybe I have such feeling because of my own imperfections. (Btw, this design was made by Tintin a long time ago as I specifically asked. And oh she knows me so well...)

5. I don't like fiction. I am not saying though that I don't read fictional stories, but given a choice, I would rather go for books with real stories in it like biographies etc. I am not fond of cartoons nor sci-fi movies but there are really good ones that reflects what is real for which I can identify with and I'm ok with that. I will not read Harry Potter though but I can dig Lord of the Rings.

6. I am a huge fan of Bae Yong Joon and Wentworth Miller. One with long hair, the other with a clean shaven head; an asian and an american; one had difficulty getting into college and the other obtained his degree at Princeton; one is very much into sports and really excels in it while the other will probably go only as far as working out in a gym though I think he was also into judo when he was younger; I think one is really more of an investor and the other primarily an endorser. I can say I have diverse interests in men and I don't have an ideal. Both, however, are born in the same year; in the entertainment industry and have played "heroes" on the tube; they are very creative artists and I read somewhere that they are into painting or something similar to that; and they both can draw(!); and most importantly both are single and wont be able to meet me in my lifetime. I really go for the creative ones, the right brain ones, those who are liberal minded yet in a way old fashioned and very disciplined. Those who speak well and appear to be confident but are really shy. I have bookmarked at least a couple of fansites of each of these 2 guys that I read almost everyday to know what they're up to and where they are. And that's just as far as I'll go to get to know them. I don't think I'll even ask for an autograph when I see them as I get stunned when I'm attracted to someone. I'd be afraid to say anything knowing that I might say something really really stupid and dumb. I've been in front of people I admire so much and often I am just speechless.

7. I am a risk taker. I will try anything that is new and even dangerous. I have experienced too much hurt and pains in my life that I don't have to be afraid to try anything that might hurt more than I already did. I learn well when I experience it so I'm not afraid to try what I haven't tried to really believe. This doesn't mean though that I will jump on a cliff to know if I could die doing it - that's stupidity my dear.

8. I am fascinated by baby pictures. That's the reason why I have pictures of babies here in my blog. The innocence of an infant, the varied emotions that you see in them and the carefree life that they seemed to enjoy is something to be envious of. I just love looking at them though I don't know if I have what it takes to hold or care for them. An experience I did not risk taking...

9. I have an enormous capacity to love. I just know it as my heart is so resilient to love and everything that goes with it and I can keep relationships last long. I have actually been too in love or should I say foolishly in love only once. I will fall into that again if it's one of those 2 guys I mentioned earlier(hahaha! dream on!). I do have a lot more room to love others that I think I have also been able to share with family and friends. God's love for me has been very unconditional to make me realize that we have so much love to give and share. Living to the fullest means loving to the fullest as well.

10. Finally, I really appreciate and love my family so much more now than I've ever did. Growing up wasn't that easy for us because of the silent competition among us siblings. We have grown so much that we've seen the uniqueness and the great talents and giftedness that each one possess. We all live simply but each one possess a colossal storage of intelligence, creativity and understanding that makes each one stand out. This treasure is not limited to just my siblings but to my nieces and nephews as well who have grown so much to make us very proud of how they have turned out to be - so different from what we have been like when we were younger. Grabe sobra gid ka proud si tita!!! I also thank Tatay and Nanay for what they have passed on to us - brainpower can't be learned, it is inherent. Am I too proud or what!?! This is MY FAMILY, not yours so shussh!

Doing this actually gave me more awareness about myself... try it and maybe share it with me?!


Sunday, March 15, 2009

accidents happen


I was at a department store to shop for some stuff today and I accidentally hit a glass shelf.


I was slowly moving backward to give way to another shopper passing in this narrow place and I hit this shelf and the thick glass on it slid off. I think it was the 3rd or 4th level of the shelf but fortunately, the glass was so thick that it didn't break into pieces. Naturally though, I got everyone's attention in the vicinity but surprisingly, I didn't felt frightened, scared nor angry. It was just like a, "ay, nahulog-feeling".

I thought it was so unlike me as I usually get frantic or I panic when something like this happens. Maybe I just felt so sure that I wasn't at fault. When I later checked it, the glass wasn't securely attached to the slatwall shelf bracket,it wasn't even touching the bottom of the glass in one end. I could easily move the bracket side to side and anybody who will hit the glass even with a slight nudge can easily let it slide off.

Anyway, I helped the saleslady picked up the cosmetic products that fell - good that it wasn't the expensive kind but the hard plastic caps and wrappings were cracked and some had broken pieces and were basically damaged. As I was helping clean up, I overheard one of the workers there saying that they will charge me with the damaged items. Hmmmm... I just smiled and took out my cell phone and called my brother who was a lawyer.

I don't know, when you think you're about to get into trouble who do you call?!

I wanted to ask for his advise on what to do.
I can't reach him at that time so I just left him a message and called another friend who works in the office of the same department store but assigned in another branch. I related to her what happened and asked if they have the right to charge me with the damaged products as I thought it was just wrong that the shelf wasn't securely attached to where it was placed on. She advised me not to pay and told me they can't compel me to do so and if they do, she told me to talk to the manager.

The saleslady later asked me if I can pay for the items so I asked her that I needed to talk to her manager first. The manager was actually just around talking to somebody but when she heard me, she readily stepped in to negotiate. To be fair, I wasn't forced to buy the products but I learned that the damages will be charged to the saleslady's salary. Hay ambot! That's when my soft heart crashed when I saw this lady looking so glum and about to cry. I thought to myself just how much she was earning in this store etc etc etc...

I ended up buying 2 or 3 products out of 5 or 6 really damaged items as I just felt sorry for her. In return, she was so grateful that I helped in the expense and she gave me the free items they were giving out to customers who buy their products reaching a certain enormous amount. It was good that it was cheap but I have a "cheaper" heart for this thing. BUT I got a tote bag and a thick cute diary for free!!!

So this was my day... accidents happen.

And by the way, my brother returned my call and was ready to send me a lawyer to help me out since he was still in Bacolod at that time. I told him I already settled it - baw, bongga gid tani ba! Hahaha!!!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

viewpoint...

(the little angel in the photo is nikki ilano-mondragon,
this was her first night out with her ninangs!)


It's just a coincidence that I am posting this on V-day but I actually wrote these thoughts a couple of months ago but forgot to post it but views change in time but it is this...

The second week of December last year was my busiest time but I was able to take a break with some friends for a night out at a wedding. We were the last batch of guests to leave the reception but we moved to a nearby resto for coffee to chat some more and catch up on what's been happening in our lives. We talked about the flood that most of us became victims of last June since we related our action stories to a friend who just arrived from Indonesia then, more ramblings about work and about love that we just dream about. It was a gathering of mostly single women and one is about to become a full-pledge nun next month when she takes on her initial vow. We're all happy that at least one of us is truly in love and the rest of us also happy feeling the love around...

I treasure these women friends and I am thankful that we have found each other in this lifetime. We can be in our craziest moods and thoughts when we're together and all inhibitions lifted from our borders for free expressions. These are friends that make me feel rich even when I'm broke for they make paradise in my world as laughing and eating can go beyond limits. The perks of being single and it works for me!

Sometimes I also find myself surrounded more by my married friends and there's a big difference when we talk about life. Concerns are way too different as sex life is not only a subject but becomes a course for marital bliss and rearing children becomes the trend to keep fit. My views about such may be limited and they can really stretch my imagination to wander far and wide for my own amusement. On the other hand, I gain lots of insights and sometimes it can be more of hell than the delights of heaven when we engage in long conversations but only because I cannot imagine myself to be stressed by marriage as well as be ecstatic with the pleasures of sharing life with another individual. I admire my married friends though for they have so much love to share with their spouses and a lot more in store for their kids. I wonder if I'll ever have enough of that in my heart to give -- I will never know unless I get to open that door...

So I just wanna say... we have what we choose to have and whatever it is, we need to enjoy it to the fullest... live it! and that's a happy valentine's day to all!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

dagyang sa iloilo...

Last weekend was the most festive Dinagyang celebration that I’ve been at after so many years of missing out on being a spectator at the actual performances of the tribes. I can’t stay out under the sun too long due to my vitiligo and what a blessing it was that the weather was cool enough to just make me stay in one place for hours.

I remember that in high school we used to stay at a classmate’s house, they occupy this huge space at the second floor of a building just in front of the freedom grandstand - one of the performance areas of the Dinagyang tribes. We occupy one of the rooms in their house and watch the performance from a wide-open window. Usually the show ends around lunch time so we feast at their place for lunch. In the afternoon, we all go out and join the street dancing ‘til late and sometimes our feasting extends at another classmate's place for supper.

This used to be an annual activity for us even when we reached college and I think even a couple of years after that until the building that they were living in was demolished as it was one of the oldest structures in the city. I miss that so much as most of us are already living in different parts of the world and we can’t just get together easily for such celebration. It was good though that this year, some classmates came home and we were able to spend time together – but this time, since we’re older, they would rather stay at a more quiet place away from the city and talk after watching the Dinagyang.

So here are some of the great pictures taken by my sister at the performance area where I watched!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

who am I?



"...Fear not,
for I have
redeemed you;
I have
called you
by name:

you are mine."

Isaiah 43:1b



I was moved by this song the first time I heard it while looking for some clothes in the laundry. I didn't even hear the full version of it at the time so I asked my nephew to look it up as I can only remember two lines and hum a bit of its chorus. The other night, he told me that he was able to know the title and the artist of the song so I looked it up immediately and to my surprise, another Christian contemporary music that I was drawn to. I'll just share this with you as it also express my sentiments in my current journey. The song is entitled Who Am I by the Casting Crowns. Click on the title and play song to listen.

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Bridge:
Not because of who I am,
But because of
what You've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who You are.

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling,
And You've told me who I am.
I am Yours.
I am Yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

bridge...chorus...bridge...chorus

I am Yours.

Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cause I am Yours.
I am Yours.


Saturday, January 17, 2009

beyond boudaries...

This is my first entry for the year and it's been a long hiatus from my commitment to update this journal. Nonetheless, I'm back with new zeal to blog again and thank God for the short trips that I took these past couple of days. After feeling so trapped and limited in my office loads late last year, these short trips gave me a much needed feeling of liberty.

The places are short distances from the city but it felt like paradise just to be able to get away from the crowd and the noise as it is the beginning of the Dinagyang festivities here. I haven't been to Trappist for a very long time and this time I went there by myself. The silence, which is luxury to me now was the best hour of my trip and I don't know if I can call it prayer but just to be still in such a serene place was very nourishing. I wasn't thinking about anything at that time, I was just enjoying the silence and for the first time, I so much wanted to seize the quiet moment - an unusual feeling for me. Maybe it's just about growing old-er...

The weather is cold that dipping in the water wasn't so enticing but the sound of the waves filled me with enough peace to clear my mind with the hassles in my world.

Dear God, I just hope that You will give me more opportunities to 'travel' this year beyond my 'boundaries'...