shutting down...

i have reached the peak of my disappointment at work, i'm exhausted and i'm shutting down...

i've had enough of this nonsense! what system is there to speak of, what direction is there to follow, what vision is there to reach, what government is there to rely upon our concerns?!! i wanted to believe that this time it will be different, maybe i am just impatient like many of us but we've had it for almost a decade, how long must we still wait until we get out of this kind of "politics"?

why i need to shut down???

- i've been trying to hold people together, mediating for different camps, one whose ideas depend on power but without direction, another camp with bright ideas but doesn't have influence to be followed, and then another who are content flowing along wherever the ebb of tide takes them and only cares that they get compensated. such is a selfish meaningless act i no longer want to bear with

- i've been caught in the middle long enough, trying to take care of people above me, those superior than i and take care of those below. the point person for decisions as if this is the promotion i applied for!duh! preside over meetings with the assessors, meetings with employees, meetings with division heads(!) i have to come up with agenda that doesn't even concern my division. the thing is, people have stopped thinking! they have lost their ability to wonder about, to create ideas, to address concerns, to be active. this helplessness is apparent because when you asked 'how they are', they readily respond "okay man". ask them what they mean by that and they will declare "everything's working out well, work is fine, no problem with transactions", BUT what i don't get is that they can't cope with pending transactions, complain they are overloaded with work, lack people to get things accomplished, express difficulty in field work, habitually unable to meet deadlines for reports, others doesn't have work at all - and they're all "okay!" - a stupid word for morons.

- ask them what they can suggest to improve work operations and they can't even state a clear option for you to consider because they are used to being dictated, to being told what to do, to feel restrained - to never use their heads! - again, they will just tell you those same lines about what they lack - what makes them say they're "okay"! people are comfortable being comfortable - a clear definition of inefficiency - pathetic workers! and they get paid for being such.

- only concerned with accomplishing their daily tasks - attending to clients, checking documents, keeping records, assessing properties etc. - errors and issues arising from these they pass it on to you to address, leaving you to figure out how to straighten it - unmindful that it could have been avoided. that is what i call 'lost in translation' - "lost" in the culture of everyday work without understanding that the piece of document we produce can either become a source of settlement or dispute! - no foresight!

- i want to shut down because i am not able to achieve something that makes sense, something that defines why i am where i am, not having fulfillment at all to speak of at the end of the day because i know very well that i can do so much for the institution that i spend so much of my active but wasted time in...

i'm shutting down because of my ideals - unfortunately, i believed.

service gap

1. in church they ask you to serve; in gov't you present yourself to serve
2. in church compensation is "thank you" for the worth of what you've done; in gov't. a standard pay regardless of how much it's really worth
3. in church recognition of your work is not of essence; in gov't recognition of your work is the essence
4. in church they know you can do the job and get it done; in gov't. they look at list of degrees & references & decide if you can get it done
5. in church reward is eternal; in gov't reward can be terminal...

whatever is important to me is what is worthy; whatever He recognize is what counts; how this makes me feel is all the reward i'll get...

my "west wing"

first post after a long time but since i have lots of reasons to blog again, maybe this is going to be the first of a series of my "west wing" tales!

for now, i have set aside my "church" commitments and decided to do something that will benefit my daily environment that is the office. we have a new governor, a new administration has taken over the provincial capitol and it's been a great one month of experience of a fast life in the political arena. naks! this is the closest thing i'll actually be involved with political play - whatever that means.

my father was a dedicated supporter of the present governor, my brother is his partner in law firm and i have been hired at the time he was on his 2nd term as governor in the 90s. but it is not for this reason that i am going to talk about the achievements of art defensor, sr. i have aged after 16 years in government service and i'm not in for a mere rock 'n roll in the political scene but i have grown to be more critical and have become more idealistic than tolerant on how governance is run in the country. so this is all real encounters for me that i hope will not keep me bored.

anyway, i haven't really been too motivated going to the office until now as I've seen people who work closely with gov are really always early at work and for a mere administrative officer, it is a sin if i don't do the same. every monday, we hold this flag ceremony to start the week and now, i've been looking forward to every monday only because important announcements are expressed during gov's time - so we are constantly updated with new happenings that concerns the programs of the governor.

okay, i'll end here for now 'coz part of me is already distracted by a west wing episode i'm watching on a different window and it's more interesting. more happenings to follow...