a day of atonement...

This is the busiest time of the year for me and I can't wait to enjoy the long break next month. I haven't had much sleep and last night I was catching up with a friend 'til past 2 in the morning. I tried sleeping early before Bebot arrived but I can't because my mind is still figuring out how to finish a report that is already due. This is how my mind bothers me when I can't put together some work. Chatting with Bebot though was a good diversion considering that we covered so many issues in our lives with our thoughts wandering to different places and people. I'm so sleepy now but the other night, I already started writing about Yom Kippur - the something I learned from West Wing...

Of course, I am familiar with the Jewish celebration of the Day of Atonement, simply known as the day to ask forgiveness before God. What I didn't know was the day before Yom Kippur is the day reserved to ask forgiveness between people. Jed Bartlet didn't know that and he was the president of the United States! (West Wing). They recite a prayer known as Vidui, a prayer derived from Scripture: "If a man or woman commits a fault against his fellow man and wrongs him, thus breaking faith with the Lord, he shall confess the wrong he has done..." (Numbers 5:6-7).

I also read from an article by the Rabbis for Human Rights (October 1, 2008), entitled Yom Kippur Vidui: "The viduis are intended to remind us of our sins in the hope that we will find the wisdom to do better in all that we touch in the coming year. The vidui during the High Holidays is intended to make us feel uncomfortable, to confront us with the wrongs we have done..."

This is just of interest to me because when I get to a point of being uncomfortable, I can say 'sorry' and sometimes even to the extent that I say it to someone that in my heart I didn't think I have offended. And when it's not heard or acknowledged by another, I just easily leave it at that. Through time, I have learned (and I learned hard!) to detach from feelings that will make the rest of my life demoralizing. I know that people I have become friends with in recent years will not understand that about me. And the hell I care. Really.

Someone asked me yesterday if the reason I didn't go to mass was because I have a spat with a friend at the office. I know that healing takes time so when that happens then 'thanks be to God!' As far as my feelings are concerned, if I'm NOT uncomfortable and I am done saying my piece, others will just have to get it over with when it's over. If I have caused them to be uncomfortable, it's not my place to bend my knees more than I have already done it. If man's judgment is to detest me, am I not worthy to come before God?!

"Yom Kippur is a day that we acknowledge to G-d that we are human... To be human, is to error, but to be holy is to recognize that a mistake has been made and to act upon this mistake to make amends." - Larry Fine

This journey didn't go this far the other night. And I really need to get some sleep...